It’s satisfying hearing the plane engine roar. It’s satisfying watching the scribble of numbers and letters on the asphalt move faster. It’s satisfying feeling the plane take off and slowly flying away from the ground. As much as I would love to say but my life has not been very satisfying lately. Do not get me wrong, I am happy where I am at in my life, but I am definitely not thriving. I am thankful for what I have achieved so far and where I am currently at but I am not satisfied with the life I have been living in the past month or so.
I love being busy and having so many tasks to work on. It gives me satisfaction to tick things off my to-do list. But lately, I have lost that satisfaction. Lately, I feel like I am watching someone else’s life through a lens. Lately, I feel like I am dissociating. I am living this very beautiful life from the outside but deep down I am not satisfied. Deep down, I am longing to thrive not just live. Deep down, I wanna enjoy my life to the fullest. Some might question the difference between living and thriving. But the difference is huge my dear friend, it is humongous.
Without getting super philosophical here right now, but I wanna feel alive, I wanna enjoy life and look back at things with a sense of accomplishment. I always strive for better, a better house, a better life, a healthier lifestyle. I don’t wanna sound like a healthy lifestyle mogul but deep down I am.
I feel like the hurdles and obstacles I am facing are getting bigger and bigger. They are getting bigger and I am feeling like my life is sliding away. It is either gonna go downhill then shoot up like a canon ball or slowly going uphill. Or maybe go downhill to the deep end and rot there. I personally don’t know but I will try my best to avoid the latter. I believe that I am capable to achieve what I want in life. But the stamina and the mental power are getting weakened with time. I have been trying to build my life from scratch in a foreign country for a little while now and so far I am quite happy with what I have built. But then I wanna build more, I wanna build higher and I wanna dream big. My mom used to say “if your kid has a strong base you don’t have to worry about them in life”. But is my base steady enough for me to build what I want?
À bientôt et bonne année!
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